Nobody Knows

Nobody knows how we met.

Nobody knows how we get there.

Nobody knows how we started.

Nobody knows how we blend well.

Nobody knows how we first kissed.

Nobody knows how we do our thing.

Nobody knows how we loved each other.

Nobody knows how we reached this far.

Nobody knows how we easily get jealous.

Nobody knows how we make up.

Nobody knows how we fight.

Nobody knows how we then back up.

Nobody knows how we went through.

Nobody knows how we tend to hold on.

Nobody knows how we often miss each other.

Nobody knows how we truly are now.

My Sacrifice

All the stars in the sky have fallen

And we weren’t able to catch even one

All the plans that we have are now broken

And we will not be able to say goodbye under Mr. Sun

I wish I could stay a little longer

But their eyes are watching me so close

I know in time you’d be stronger

As you watch me dying like a rose

You’re rest assured that you will never be forgotten

For I had loved you with no regrets

Words of despair and anger, you have all spoken

Added with tears you shed under the faucet

You don’t say but I know you hate me now

‘Cause my reasons are too petty and it wouldn’t suffice

I may not be able to pursue our vow

But I know I did right and this will be worth my sacrifice

Of chances and becoming better

The rain has stopped. Yet I’m still here pouring, gasping the air, trying to breathe from the awful words you said.

I was trying so hard not to tell anyone. But destiny prevailed. They don’t want me to just keep quiet. They want me to learn how to be matured because they know how you press me to be this and that.

Have you been into this world? Where everybody thinks that you’re the only one to be blamed for all other people’s mistakes? Perhaps not. Well, let me tell you how it feels.

I’ve never been too strict and too possessive when it comes to dealing with different personalities in a certain group. Not when I was chosen to lead a big group with personalities raise to the tenth power. Much more different than the previous groups I have led.

But every ideas shared, every moments spent, and every tears shed, are absolutely worth it. I’m not counting all the quick remarks from anyone inside the group because I am willing to accept everything. It’s part of being a leader. I greatly accepted that as a challenge, not as a discomfort on my part.

Yet when you are being spoken naughty words from a person you have learned to love and trust, how can you not possibly get hurt? I have learned base on my own experience that no matter how you say to yourself that you are strong enough to breakdown and cry, time will set you to a moment when all you have to do is to express what you really feel. That is the time when you truly squeeze out the real sentiments that wounds you inside.

I believe that being immature sometimes helps you with your problems. You may include crying on my adjective above. But for me, crying really does help. I would actually say I always cry when I know it’s the only way to beat the pain.

But you know there’s still a chance for us to change- to change all things that we realized now that we know what we’re causing to most of our people. How they just bear the pain and sadness they’re feeling just to make sure we won’t erupt like we always do.

There’s still a chance for you and me to change. Let's be open-minded. May the peace and Holy Spirit enlighten us both. I really am hoping for a better you. Leave to me the changes in me that you want to see. I’ll work out for it. Let’s be a better person for ourselves and for the rest of the team.

Who You Are- The song that gives me hope

It's okay not to be okay.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!
Just go, and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
Yeah yeah yeah


***

It’s 2:51 p.m. The ambiance is so cold, quiet and serene. I am with Hapi. We’re the only two left in the office. I am situated a few distances from the PC where Hapi is using.

After a moment of silence, he started to play an unfamiliar song being sang by the one and only Jessie J. I was totally stunned with the lyrics as I carefully listened to the music. I stood up, sat beside Hapi, and stared closely to Jessie J’s performance at London. She was absolutely amazing! The way she looked, the way she delivered her song… perfectly awesome!

I recalled if I was able to hear her song before but unfortunately, that was the only time I heard it. And I was totally in love with the lyrics. Maybe because, I can relate to it. My situation this time is definitely awful. I look so unhappy and stressed and tired. No matter what I do, I closely get affected. This sentiment can't really resist from getting inside my system. I’m in deep pain. I’m still thinking of how I could actually get rid of this.

Jessie J’s music indeed helped me. It suites how I feel and it motivates me to do what is according to her lyrics. I’ve been a fan of her, and I guess I’ll be listing her on my favorite Hollywood singers, next to Taylor Swift.

I can’t explain how her song got my attention momentarily. It’s just perfect. The song is truly perfect for an imperfect person like me. I will try to be who I am, with the perception of knowing how to act and react. Thanks to you, Jessie J. ♥

I still believe therefore I'll stay calm

I have so much to say but I don’t know how start. I have so much to explain but I don’t know how to tell. I have so much to share but I don’t know how to express.

But I’ll try. Let me try.

***

This is too much for me; I might be too much for you.

But it’s alright. I’ll carry on, I’ll adjust, I’ll ignore for you and for everybody’s sake.

I don’t want to defend myself for I had done wrong things and offended several people because of being too blind and insensitive. I am sorry. I really am sorry.

These past few days, I have been struggling so hard to show the other side of me. The one that requires effortless gestures. The one that everybody used to know. The one that’s real and true.

But it seems like you haven’t recognize my changes. I still can’t prove to you that I’m worth it.

I’m full of sadness, of pain, of allegation, of depreciation. But I’m not going to do any, anything that will wound you inside.

I am hurt, you know. But I will still smile. I said I will ignore, and I will definitely do that with the help of my sense of control.

I ignored the things you’ve said before. I’m ignoring the things I have read by you now. And I will ignore all the things you’d say the next days.

I know right from the start that these stuffs will welcome me and will leave a pain on my chest. I believe I will be dealing with these effects all throughout the making.

I’ll pray that all the things I’d do and all the things you’d do, won’t lead me to despair.

Let us help each other. Guess that would be all.

***

Crying. Hoping. Praying.

Dear Bloggary,

11:01 PM- This time, I am facing my green record notebook full of difficult words to memorize and understand. But since tomorrow’s going to be one of the hardest days of my junior college life, I will be dealing with these hard terms the best I can. I will make sure that these super tired eyes will refrain from closing because tonight, I will be morni-ing the night.

Now, as these business terms go rounding inside my head, I want to pause and do something else. I guess I need some sort of relaxation… a diversion. Yes, a diversion indeed!

I grab my precious pen and green little notebook out of my case. Maybe this is the right time to let go of this “something” I have kept for a week now.

11:30 PM- Tadaaaaaaaaa! So here’s what I have wrote for half an hour. I captured it with a negative effect so you would be so curious to know what my poem is really all about.

Well, this is made up of emotional spices and letting-go-of-you flavor. It started with how I first blend with this certain person until we got cooked into a very bitter dish. That’s when I felt that I was already falling when in fact, I should not. My connection with him must not reach that far.

So much for that, let me tell you what happened next.

11:51 PM- Papa prepared a cup of hot coffee and sliced pandesal for my overnight session. He said he made it for his little girl (Papa still considers me as his little girl even though I’m not anymore suitable for that name) so she would be more active with her study. And of course, the hot coffee is for her to stay warm and wide awake amidst the coldness of the night.

I so love my Papa. He will always be one of the reasons for my perseverance. I will make you proud of me, Pa.

After dealing with my diversion, I get back to my reading and understanding and memorizing sessions. 

Fortunately, I was able to put in mind all the bits and pieces of those complex terms. Thank you Lord! To You be the glory! ♥

No more Pretending.

You were just a close ally at first

The one who takes away my thirst

Until one day you made my heart go burst

Then slowly made me realize I’m at worst

You turned to be someone so special

That my heart skips a beat when I see your facial

Your smile, added with your astonishing potential

Certainly made my existence so crucial

Perhaps it’s time for me to stop

To vanish all my love from the top

This change might cause us a huge gap

But I’ll give in because this feeling’s a crap

To you I may now be a sort of nothing

That you currently find my actions so disgusting

Don’t worry, though this heart is silently crying

It’ll soon mend and there’ll be no more pretending

I missed Her.

My best friend- Ate Ge.

A couple of weeks had passed

We still haven’t talked and it’s really sad

My heart swells, her heart melts

I missed her like nobody else

I didn’t mean to say those things

I only want her to know what anger brings

I tried to stop her but her temper insist

I missed her like I missed today’s mist

A part of me’s totally incomplete

Without her my life’s too un-sweet

I never want to lose my precious ally

I missed her and I couldn’t deny

Now tears begun to ran off the pavement

I know I couldn’t find any replacement

There’s no way, I’m never gonna do that

I just dearly missed her like I missed our chat

A Happy Newbie

FM as in “Financial Management” is my major and I love it! ♥

Know why I posted this topic with the pictures? It’s because I MADE IT MYSELF! ♥ Wahaha! I feel so happy that I was able to create something like this though I’m not so good in designing and lay-outing. But you know I’m trying. ^_^

 I don’t really have to brag this design for it’s too plain and simple. I believe you can also make one like this. This is just as easy as how you chew your bubblegum. And so, if you have installed Photoshop on your computers, you try. =)

I proposed this design to my course mates and fortunately, they liked it! *Clap clap!

I honestly want to have a course (major) T-shirt. Since nobody ever wished and planned for it, I used my initiative. I obviously and eagerly desire to wear this kind of shirt in public!

And so, tadaaaaa!!! My proposed T-shirt design. I hope and pray that we will be able to pursue our plans of printing this design.

And, oh! Thanks to Chanson for the assistance. =)

Silence.

In the middle of the night

I was holding on so tight

Keeping my words around the fight

Never blamed myself for I did right

You were very outspoken

Always had the token

You were constantly chokin'

Letting my heart get broken

I entered the room of silence

Before the fight gets intense

Tears begun to run at my sense

I forbid so you won’t show your violence

Things aren’t going well

Feels like I’m in a hell

Words I couldn’t really tell

Nobody, nowhere, I can truly dwell

Unwanted blood suckers

I don’t know where these tiny insects came from but most probably, they were from the trash place just beside our office. But… Why here? Why now? When will they leave?

These winged tiny creatures we all hate stayed in for a couple of days already. Flying and gliding and touring around our very own North Pole (Our cold Office Ü) are merely what they are doing. Clasping them so we could take our revenge leads us to sudden frustration. We can’t concentrate on the works of our hands because they catch most of our attention- to trap them on our hands and kill them to death; to scratch the itch and the pain on our bitten skin.

These annoying biting pests and vectors of disease must be out of here! So I thought of buying “Baygon” a mosquito killer just to let go of these unwanted pests inside our second home. I’m obviously afraid for they might be bringing one of the most dangerous ailments that kill hundreds of innocent people just for a day. The greatest talk-of-town, in case you’re unaware, is none other than “Dengue”.  Urgh!

Of course, nobody wants to have this kind of sickness. This could untie your breath and would make you suffer the deepest.

Anyhow, I’m still thinking of some other options and possible solutions to get rid of these unwelcomed visitors the soonest!

Geez! Say goodbye so soon, blood suckers! *evil laugh